All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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