woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
