You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
