I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
this beer tastes like vomit already
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
