im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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