five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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