pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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