I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
please come you make the beer taste better
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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