dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
