I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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