I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
