I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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