woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
