she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
my shit smells like andre
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
