I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
