He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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