Don't you send me to vm
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
