I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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