I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
