Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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