not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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