Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
