My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
