put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
