you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
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Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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