you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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