R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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