so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
