Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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