I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
