You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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