how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
