He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
