I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
