my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
