I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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