One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
