Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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