i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
