I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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