Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
