I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
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I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
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By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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