You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
