dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
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"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
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your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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