youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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