just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
