and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
