Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
