I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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