GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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