After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
