my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
