Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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