Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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