Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
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I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
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Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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