Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
