You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
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come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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