are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
