I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
