Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
