when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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