At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I want to have your abortion
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
