Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
