Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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