I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
