Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
