New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
