I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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