tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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