Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
