i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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