i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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