a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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