bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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